I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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