My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
