dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
