In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
