Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Never joke about your clitoris.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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