I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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