There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
