Where did you get a picture of my penis
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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