if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
