How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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