I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
