$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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