I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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