When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
being pregnant is like rehab
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
