the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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