Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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