I met the friendliest cop last night
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
