College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
