First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
