john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
