Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock

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(520): View more from Arizona

I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.

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(315): View more from New York

So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.

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(614): View more from Ohio

He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.

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(314): View more from Missouri

yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.

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