Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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