You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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