i think my tv is drunk
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
