i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
