found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
