so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
