he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
