I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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