I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
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He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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