Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
