Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He passed out mid-signature
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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