um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
