Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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