I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
