So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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