Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
if only i could text you this smell
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she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
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That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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