god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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