Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
