I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
These tits shall not be calmed
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
