At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
