How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
