I love black thongs
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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