Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
