who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
