the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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