Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
