There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
