Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
