This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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