I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
