You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
