I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
sex in a hospital.. check
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
