I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Are we still banned from the library?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
