I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
