The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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