pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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