when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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