She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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