Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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