People in love make me want to vomit
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
