I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
