If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
