HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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