It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
