My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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