Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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