Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
