Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
