I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
