If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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