how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
