we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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