This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
