you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
