So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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