we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
